On Monday Flatbed's guitarist formerly known as Derek made public his acceptance into the fraternal countrypolitan order of Northern Baked Country Rockers and pursuant to it's bi-laws will now incessantly insist on being referred to by the new stage name Rerle (pronounce like "rural") Urban.
In a prepared statement read aloud to the media from atop the Helipad at Children's Hospital, Flatbed spokesmen Leisure Lee conveyed Urban's hopes that his band mates and adoring fans will continue to be supportive as he completes his conversion to the age old beliefs of City-Billy-ism. Along with the name change the artist must also undergo certain "physical cleansings" such as no longer being able to dye his hair grey in an attempt to make himself look old, no longer pretending to have a bad back to get out of hauling heavy musical equipment and - perhaps his most personally challenging sacrifice - he must give up his worldly love for expensive top shelf liquor and consume only Rebel Yell Whisky during the holy months of football and hockey season.
Lee continued that "the artist" vehemently denies all accusations that the name change was in fact in reaction to a failed secret service background check during President Obama's recent visit to Buffalo which many sources had credited as the reason why the President cancelled his scheduled plans to attend Flatbed rehearsal and instead went for wings at Duff's. Spokesmen Lee concluded the brief conference by reading Urban's own final defiant statement, "Obama just couldn't handle all the twang."
Bassist Michael Tinsmon, reached for comment at his North Buffalo home (which doubles as Flatbed's World Headquarters) had this to say about his longtime bandmate's name change, "I think it's a crock, a complete crock. I'm not calling him that. 'Rerle'?!?! It sounds so awkward to say....'Rerle'...It kind of makes me mad to say it....I won't be saying it again. Of course, if he's been faking the bad back all this time he can carry my cabinet."
Uncle Monty, harmonica player and adequate guitarist for the band Flatbed, held a press conference today in order to address recent criticism leveled by The Association of Drunken Sailors, whose membership is said to be made up primarily of members of A Band Named Sue.
The Association objected to Flatbed's rousing rendition of "What Do You Do With A Drunken Sailor", a song that apparently includes lyrics suggesting ways in which to mistreat drunken sailors in the morning.
Said Monty, "the band has always had a great respect for those employed in the maritime trades who drink to such an extent that they may be found in a pool of their own sick in the morning. It is possible that lyrics such as "shave his belly with a rusty razor" and "put him in the bilge and make him drink it" may have been misconstrued as advocating doing those things. Certainly, no disrespect was intended.............at this time."
Buffalo's Flatbed signs veteran free agent drummer, Thom Davis...After spending the last few seasons out of the spotlight enjoying family life, Davis decided to end his early retirement from local music and petitioned the commissioner for reinstatement to the scene earlier this year.
Flatbed quickly signed the 4 piece trap kit specialist to an undisclosed contract with band spokesmen Larry Lee stating only, "Flatbed has made a move to solidify its rhythm section for many happy hour performances to come." After receiving much criticism for their 2010 draught decisions Flatbed hopes this key acquisition will send a message to their fans that they are dedicated to providing the best home grown product possible and that they prefer micro brew beers and top shelf bourbon.
Flatbed's bassist, Michael Tinsmon, was quoted as saying, "It'll be great to have someone with Thom's experience and leadership in the trenches." Much maligned and often injured lead guitarist Derek Bassett agreed and added while hanging in traction in his attic apartment, "Man he's big guy...with lots of upside...could you pass me those pain killers please?"....The rest of the band could not be reached for comment......
In a related story, President Obama's administration would neither confirm nor deny that his recent visit to Buffalo was actually to congratulate Flatbed on their recent personnel decision and to receive an autographed, advance copy of their upcoming studio album. Undisclosed sources in Washington have leaked to the media that President Obama claims, "Flatbed is like music to my giant ears".............
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